days filled with doctors

I've had 3 doctors appointments in the last 3 days, but unlike some people I feel better after my doctors appointments. I mean yeah I have to go to get more bloodwork done, and another scan, but this should be the last time and whether they find anything or not I'm ok with that, because I finally feel like they have checked everything. Maybe 3 months from now it will be like these last 8 months never happened at all. Atleast I pray it will be like that. Not that I want to ignore the hell I went through because you learn a lot from times like that, but I still want to get back to where I was.

Anyway we got our packets for the cruise today and it finally hit me how close it is and for the first time I started to feel a little nervous. I mean I have no money, what if I need a phone card to call someone, what if I need to get on the ship in 5 minutes and I don't have money for a taxi, and what if I find the most amazing bracelet ever and I can't buy it? Ok so that last one is not so important but you know when I was working I always kept $20 with me just in case and lately I haven't had that but I haven't gone anywhere either. It just gets me a little anxious to be in another country for the first time ever, one of them a 3rd world country and have nothing. I think it would make anyone a little nervous, but lucky for me I'm not to concerned about it because I will be with 24 relatives and as crazy as we all are, I don't think anyone is going to let the ship leave me stranded or not loan me $10 if I have to make an emergancy call home.

Its going to be a crazy two weeks getting everything put together for this trip and I am sure I will think of every problem imaginable but lucky for me I'm smart enough that I can also usually think of a solution to these problems.

I also applied for 4 jobs today. Fingers crossed that I'll hear from atleast one of them, and that they won't need me until after I'm back from the cruise. I actually had to write cover letters for some of these jobs, so I got to put that 4.0 I got in all my English classes to good use. Who knows if I hear from a job that had a cover letter requirement I may just have to realize that I shouldn't even take that job and find something where I can use that 4.0 (and it was out of 6 English classes) Anyway, it's late and I thought I was actually going to write tonight but all that has come out is random ramblings that are running through my head at the end of the day. Tomorrow is the weekend though and if tradition holds true I will be bored for about 60% of it so tomorrow I'll have to actually sit down and write somthing interesting and relavant. Until then I'll go speand some time reading someone else's relavant work until I follow asleep and maybe get inspired.

Today Quote:
“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” Winstone Churchill

LOONNGGG DAYS

It's been a long couple days :( I know you're probably thinking "how in the world can she have a bad day when she doesn't work!" but I def never wanted to sit around all day at this point in my life. Its very hard though for people to understand that, I think, and I'm not sure anyone really could understand. It especially gets hard because the better I start to feel the more people expect that I'll just go back to the way I was. For now though I'm still at home during the day expect for doctors appointments and I still have no job. But I sometimes find ways to entertain myself with no money anyway. I've made like 5 blankets and 3 scrapbooks but mostly watched a lot of TV, and I'm really starting to hate TV. I've also found ways to give gifts with no money.... some are good and some are not so good, theres only so much you can find around the house and make into something people will love.

So anyway I've had a rough couple of days but other than this blog I'll keep that to myself . Right now I am just looking forward to the cruise that I have coming up. I have to take two 4 hour flights and two 10 hour drives but I get to see some of my favorite people in the world. I haven't seen some of them in 3 years so I am beyond excited and I refuse to let my anxiety get in the way of it or anything else ( including a couple very specific anything else's). I may collapse from exhaustion once I get home from fighting it off but I intend to enjoy every minute of it.... :) If only it were that easy, but until I feel otherwise I'm going to believe that it is that easy.

First though I have my moms birthday tomorrow and fathers day before I even leave for the cruise, so I need to spend some time thinking up more of those gifts that cost no money and I'm quickly running out of idea's but I'll get somthing, I always do.

So as I'm finishing this post and re-reading it (yes I did re-read it so if there are still errors you'll just have to live with them) and I realize that a lot of times I'll probably have some not very positive things to say... soo.... I think I'll end all the posts with something positive just to keep them all connected on a positive note :)

Todays Positive thought:
It's easy to have faith in yourself and have discipline when you're a winner, when you're number one. What you've got to have is faith and discipline when you're not yet a winner. Vince Lombardi -

why not?

Although I don't have anything interesting going on right now, I have a very exciting summer planned, starting with a cruise with many of my cousins. So why not keep people updated with whats going on with me. Hopefully I will keep this up and hopefully I will keep it interesting :)