Oh Its Sunday

There's not a lot to do on Sundays in the Summer, atleast not the Sunday before you leave for 2 weeks. I should probably be packing more but I never seem to get around to it. Although mom and I did go through most of my clothes that needed to be packed so I have one suitcase done, another will probably be filled with shoes. I wouldn't need to pack so much if I didn't have to change for dinner every night, or change after that out of my dress. Oh well.

The exciting news is I went to a movie last night. Which I know is normal so why would it be exciting? The exciting part was I didn't have to prepare myself for it as much as usual. I didn't have to know exactly how long it lasted and I didn't need to check the time constantly throughout the movie so that I knew when I would be able to leave, I didn't worry where we sat and whether or not it would bother me. Other than the 1st 10 minutes of the movie I didn't worry about anything, and the first ten minutes I was only worried because they had a preview for a really scary movie which of course got me all worked up, but the rest of the previews and the movie were funny and I have learned that laughing is the one thing that can keep my anxiety away for any period of time. I'm not nervous while I'm watching or listening to somthing funny and I'm not nervous for atleast an hour afterwards. Which is why this cruise doesn't worry me as much as it could because I'm going with a part of my family that always makes me laugh. I'll just try to keep laughing the whole time. Wish me luck! The other good thing was that my mom noticed that I made it through the movie which means she recognized that it was somthing hard for me to do. I know its not much but it meant a lot to me because she hardly ever mentions it, and I don't think its because she doesn't care but it's like I said before, no one really knows anything about it, so other than wanting me to be better immediately no one really comments on it. So I'm sure its not their intention but it really makes me feel like no one cares. So last night was a goodnight.

Oh and! last night I talked to one of my favorite cousins for the first time in I think 3 or 4 years! Anyway its been to long, other than the occasional e-mail we really can't talk because he lives in Sweden and besides the 9 hour time difference thats a really exspensive phone call, but we've always gotten a long really well depsite only seeing each other what is probably the equivilant of every other year since I've been born. So it was exciting to hear from him and I can't wait to see all of them a week from today. Wow, and I just realized a week from today at this time i'll be in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, hopefully I don't get seasick! I've never been on a boat except the ferry from Sandusky to PIB but I'm guessing there will be a lot less rocking on this boat than there is on the jet express.... or that ferry around niagra falls, I'm guessing if those rides didn't make me sick then a huge cruise ship won't. Plus it will be so big I'm hoping I don't even notice it's a boat, I know any other time i would love the fact that its a boat but given the last year its probably better that I don't think about the fact that I'm trapped in the middle of the ocean, or in a foreign country.

I'm going to miss my dogs :( thats always that hardest part about taking a trip, leaving Louie and Ringo behind. Especially when they are going to be alone for so long. I get worried that Louie will think he's back at the animal shelter and Ringo is so nervous about anything I'm worried he'll just make himself sick. Plus this time I just realized I won't be able to call and check on them every day because I'll be on the boat! I wonder if my dad will do it for me.... and I guess I'll have to put my brother as the emergancy contact, and my dad but if they need to be picked up he can't do that. :(

I finshed 6 more scrapbook pages today and I only have 5 more to go, I don't know how many pages I've done so far but I'm thinking it's probably close to 60 and I acomplished my goal of getting all my becah pictures into albums! I'm so glad, this is a project I started before I got sick, and being able to finish it.... just makes me really happy that I'm getting back to who I used to be. Going back to my old hobbies is just part of it. When the anxiety started I stopped reading and I used to read 2 or 3 books a week and was addicted to amazon.com, and I stopped and craft projects I had except crochet... but eventually I stopped that too, and I stopped exercising. Reading again and crafting again just makes me feel a little bit more like me everyday. And I just pray that it continues, which is what makes me realize that I'm not completely better, because if I did there would be no more doubts or worries, but they are still there, but God willing those will be gone soon to. I will just have normal worries like everyone else.

Ok now for a happy quote... lets see.
Accept challenges, so that you may feel the exhilaration of victory. -George S. Patton