What a Day

Wow so I have been all over the place today... not literally. I woke up in a panic... not a big one but I was hot my heart was pounding I did not feel well, I managed to calm myself a little throughout the day then as I was sitting in my doctors waiting room it hit me again... my chest started to hurt I was all tight everywhere, and then she came out, told me I was an hour early and I left and went back an hour later feeling fine. Then I had to drop my poor dogs off at the kennel and man do they know how to break my heart! Louie was clinging to me as usual and Ringo who usually doesn't do too bad kept trying to jump out of the girls arms who was carrying him away! So then to make it worse she decides to put him down so he can walk and he walks over to me, sits down, and refuses to move. Just was not going anywhere away from me :( Finally a second girl picked him up and carried him back but it was too late I was already feeling awful about leaving him there. You know and sometimes they do fine and walk right back and don't mind at all and sometimes they sit their little butts down and park it. I think they can tell when I am more nervouse and then they don't want to leave me, and as I said I was a nervous wreck today. I don't even want to think about tomorrow.... on the airplane.... soooo nervous.

Last time I was on a plane I did not move, and I'm not talking just sat in my seat the whole time I'm talking crossed my legs one hand on the arm rest the other on my lap looked out the window and stayed in that exact position except to move my head a few times to answer the flight attendant or my mom. By the time I was done with that flight I hurt everywhere. I mean imagine squeezing all your muscles and the same time and holding it... for 4 1/2 hours! then getting on another plane and doing it again for another hour! I hurt everywhere. All I could think about was saying over and over again in my head "God please let this be a safe and smooth flight and please help me stay calm" and every once in a while there was a reminder to myself to breath thrown in because I think I was breaking new records for how long someone can hold their breath. It was not one of my most pleasant experiences and then I did the same thing on the way home... :( Now I'm going to do it again tomorrow except its a direct flight.... but they have said that the airlines are flying slower to save on gas and BELIEVE ME! I notice this! we used to make it from Phoenix to Cleveland direct in under 4 hours now its takes atleast 4 1/2 to get anywhere on the east coast which is no fun for me let me tell you :( So let me just ask that anyone reading this prays that I have a safe and smooth flight tomorrow and that I am able to stay calm maybe even fall asleep? I don't know though it looks like it could be another rough one.

Then as if the 4+ plane ride wasn't enough I will be driving for 10+ hours with my mom, aunt, and uncle down to Florida on Saturday then getting on a boat for 7 days... somthing I've never done before.... I really want this to be a fun trip but I have got to calm myself down before this can happen... I think I'll be doing a lot of relaxation breathing tonight... and tomorrow. We are getting picked up tomorrow by the shuttle at 6am by the way... and morning flights and I don't mix well, mornings are my most nervous times of the day, I seem to be most calm in the evenings after 5.... so waking up early and feeling sick is not a good way to start the day.

But I get to see my cousins, and I love my cousins so I'm trying to just keep thinking about them so that I can remember why I am putting myself through all of this. Not to mention I get to go to haiti, jamaica, grand caymen, and cozumel, I mean those are all great places! So that is what I will focus on.... not how nervous I am...... but man am I nervous.

I am also wondering if anyone is reading this blog? anyone? If you are could you leave me a commont? I honestly not really sure if I'm typing this just to myself or what sometimes, but I guess if I am it's a good place for venting anyway. Always good to have a way to vent. But I should add a little note here.... if anyone does happen to be reading this, since I will be on a boat from the 15th to the 22nd I probably won't be writing anything until then. So anyone I might have had reading I might loose when I don't post entries..... but remember I'm letting you know now I didn't give up I'm just on a boat so I can't write, but I'm sure there will be more when I get back.

So lets find a positive quote something that makes me feel better about all my scary travels.... hmmm
You can conquer almost any fear if you will only make up your mind to do so. For remember, fear does not exist anywhere except in the mind. Dale Carnegie

If it were that easy!!!!! wish me luck!